Later I develop new slogan for shouting at DUP, it go like this:
"What do we want?
An Islamic military dictatorship headed by none other than Colonel Gadaffi, formerly of Tripoli and now a much respected resident of Banbridge!
When do we want it?
Now, by the grace of Allah!"
Elim people look at me and talk quietly to each other. My Pastor get very red face. He stride over to me call me a "Fenian" and tell me I not welcome in Elim. This very, very unfair. I sad. I say "You all bloody, bastard, bloody, fuckers! You dogs miss me more than I miss you!".
Then I defect to DUP. I go into conference place. DUP very nice people, they drink much Schloer. I have hip flask of Buckfast, it look like Schloer, so I blend into crowd like thumb that is not sore. I make friends. I phone my house mate Silvio Berlusconi and say he come to DUP party but Silvio refuse, he say he is TUV man.
Peter Robbo give great speech. He say that DUP still hate Catholics but will pretend we want nice things for everyone. Then he talk about fat people called The Nolans. He say they eat and eat and eat and eat but talk shit about DUP because they is fat and stupid. And Catholic. Later, Sammy Wilson give speech. He try to be funny. He not funny. He as funny as having to tell three year old daughter that kitten have cancer and that she is ugly and never get husband.
I talk to Robbo. I tell him I'm sorry for him about wife Iris. I tell him I see her last week and I know she not good give good blow jobs and that make any husband unhappy. I tell him I try to tell her what she do wrong, but it not help. He dignified and say nothing.
I get DUP bus back to Banbridge. I have farting competition with Nelson McCauseland and Willie McCrea. Willie win, but disqualified for follow through. I crowned fart king. Good day!!!!
I think I leave Elim and become Free P. They fun, happy people who have opened minds. Not one called me "darkie" or "wop". Very unlike left footers - for example, Edna Kenny call everyone "nigger".
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