The Banbridge Diary of Kim Jong Il

Kim admires Crozier.

I am not dead, I escaped to west - I am arive and werr and riving in Banblidge!

It is gleat town, nicer than Pyongyang (no raughing at back!), it has loads and a loundabout and arso a rot of girrs I wourd rike to lide. But Rurgan better.

I have house. Flank Carson and me rive there. He sit on hore arr day and watch firms about resbians. I rike firms about resbians. Rovery resbians!

I have job. I work at Ridr with new wife carred Resrey. She rikes to lide. She rike it up hore. But soon I rove her and reave her.

Banblidge velly nice, but Rurgan better. It has curture, rots of interrigent peopre and a park with a rake. Banblidge onry has liver. It smerr. And peopre smerr. Tomollow I take bus to Rurgan. I rook for frat in Rurgan. George Crooney rive there, Roretta Rynn, Riam Neeson and Ryre Rovett too. I want frat with view of Claigavon Rakes.

I buird chemicar, nucrear and biorogicar weapon and make Rurgan superpower! Then invade Rondondelly, Eniskirren, Tandlagee and become reader of whore of Urster! I rook forward to this velly much!

I hope I get Rurgan home. I rove Rurgan velly much.

OK. I have wlitten enough. Now I must go and see a man about a dog.

Tark to you rater.