There is a lot of guff talked about "cross-community projects" in Northern Ireland, but tonight I can lay one before you which can only be described as the "real deal". For it has come to pass that Professor Billy McWilliams (Banbridge man) and myself (Lurgan man) have joined forces to promote a cause which is vital to the future of Northern Ireland and the rest of the UK:
The government of the UK should be moved to Craigavon.
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| * LET'S DO THIS! |
Yes, that's right. And you know in your heart that this is the only way forward for our island race. As soon as you read those words you inhaled sharply, let your jaw drop and nodded in hearty agreement. Well, now that you have reached a new level of conciousness there is something you must do.
Sign the petition. Go to the link below and sign it. You know it's the right thing to do.
Think of all the advantages this mighty hub has over thon London:
- The dry ski slope at Silverwood
- Two top-class football teams
- Rushmere shopping centre
- A lively cultural milieu
- A healthy quota of roundabouts
- Civilized wine-drinking population
I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. Or have you? Did you consider the amazing innovations that this move would initiate:
- The House of Lords would deliberate every day in Drumgor Community Centre
- The House of Commons would sit in Lismore Comprehensive's assembly hall
- Her Majesty's official residence would be the Lurgan British Legion
- The changing of the guard would take place at Carn Industrial Estate
- Future Royal weddings would be held at the Free Presbyterian Church on Lurgan's Waringstown Road
- In the absence of their London clubs, top civil servants would have to join Lurgan's Mechanics' Institute and Clan na Gael
Need I say more? I didn't think so.
So what are you waiting for? Sign the petition now and make it happen. *LET'S DO THIS!
*Suggested, meaningless, Obabaesque slogan for the campaign.
Her Majesty is getting on, and the consort spent New Year in hospital after a suspected heart attack. I can't see either keen to vacate Buck Palace, even with the rationing of electricity and heating at the moment, for Lurgan...
ReplyDeleteKeir, it is a nirvana of hope and plenty. I was born in Lurgan hospital and can therefore vouch for its former-workhouse glory. I lived there for many years and both witnessed and experienced the earthy joys of the place. The Royals will love it. Especially Pippa.
ReplyDeleteAs the PM will need a new country seat- Chequers is a long way from Lurgan after all, I'll be more than happy to rent out the flat over the hairdresser's in Milford. Very reasonable, just over the road from the Traveller's Inn with a lovely view of the cement silo.
ReplyDeleteThanks Anonymous, great idea. I'd actually thought a nice house in Bleary would have done the trick but in these egalitarian days it would be perhaps better to investigate your proposal further.
ReplyDelete